Thursday, 15 March 2012

Damascus Gate

We all face dark times in our lives, moments where we are confronted with our stark vulnerability - and we are forced to question why bad things happen to good people.  It can be extremely difficult to find peace of mind during times like this.  It is hard work to gather the resources needed to forge onward when you are confronted by anger and confusion and a sense of helplessness.

In my own personal experience, over the course of the last twelve months my girlfriend and I had to face some extremely shocking and upsetting medical situations.  We eventually came to realize that our lives would be irrevocably changed as a result.  These events made us feel angry, bitter and powerless.  They tested our resilience and our commitment to each other.  But through mutual respect, compassion and a shared love of the Mysteries of Art and Perception, we got through it.

These kinds of big, soul-forging events are tough on the human psyche on various levels, but I do believe that sometimes we can use them as defining gateway experiences.  Experiences that, while dark and unfair, can be used to reorder our lives into more nuanced, coherent systems.  The unsettling nature of these kinds of events can act as the sudden shock that is sometimes necessary to reinvigorate the psyche.  It doesn't mean that the dark times themselves were necessary.  Only that an active, discerning state of mind is the only way to conjure a positive out of all the negatives - a willingness to try and use the dark times as material that will aid us in some kind of transformation that is evolutionary and prosperous.  This is easier said than done; especially when your soul is aching or your heart is breaking, and the rage within you seems endless.

But speaking from firsthand experience, situations that make you feel victimized are obviously not empowering.  It's really only an active, provocative state of mind that has any hope of sustaining something different than deep feelings of injustice.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that my girlfriend and I used art and magic and our love of the Mysteries to pull us out of that deep dark hole.  We used art to slowly and surely re-empower us, to remind us of who we really are.  As with anybody enduring struggles and hardships, it's a daily battle and some days you win more than you lose - some days are easier than others.  We all have our pain and sufferings, no matter how great or slight, and it's one of those very human things that connects us all.

But transformation is possible.  Evolution is possible.  I've lived it, my girlfriend has lived it, as I'm sure everyone reading this has lived it.  Despite all the darkness and injustice in the world, it is still possible to be touched by divine fire.  It's still possible to witness a revelation, even if it's only a glimpse.  I hope these words somehow help whoever reads them, and I hope you sense that my intent is honest and heartfelt.



  1. Dear Raj,
    I hope you and your girlfriend have love and healing in the ascendancy and the past will lose it's grip.
    I thank you for sharing your writings, here and at the Secret Sun.
    Best wishes, Delorus

  2. Thank you very much, Delorus. Your kind words have always been appreciated.