Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Song of Atlas

I have suffered through a lot of emotional pain and heartache in my life, as I'm sure most of my readers have too.  I try to make this heartache count for something by channeling it into the work I do here at Amid Night Suns.  I would hope when you read my posts and watch my videos you can feel that my intentions are pure and my desire for insight, freedom and compassion is earnest.  The human race is suffering right now.  We have always suffered, but to me it seems more so now than ever.  As someone who takes the ideas of Gnosticism very seriously, I am always searching for reasons for this suffering.  I am all too aware that on one level at least we are made to suffer -- by the elites and oppressors who consider themselves our masters.  But in a larger metaphysical sense all seekers are faced with the most pertinent and brutal of questions: Why do bad things happen to good people?  Why do those with nothing but compassion and love in their hearts suffer the most ill fortune?  These are spiritual questions we cannot easily answer.  Faced with these questions, and the sadness they kindle within us, it is tempting to believe that the universe is nothing but a mindless, uncaring chaos.  But this is only a partial truth.  There are unseen realms sharing time and space with us, and there are benevolent spiritual forces inhabiting these realms -- forces that guide and watch over us...forces that lift us up when we are down.

Sometimes, as an Intuitive, it can feel like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.  To sometimes sense things before they happen can be a source of excitement and profundity, but it can also be a source of great and continual grief.  I suppose all artists who take their craft seriously have experienced some measure of these feelings.  When faced with such a depth of sadness at the state of human affairs, what is to be done?  Do we simply give in to the heartache?  Or do we try yet again to craft meaning and resonance from the things we experience?  Pain, whether emotional or physical, is one of the things that binds us.  We all have secret, hidden places of grief -- depths within our souls that make us tremble with vulnerability; depths that make us weep.  Usually we share these depths only with our most trusted loved ones, if at all.

But carrying such burdens can be a source of great strength.  They can teach us humility and connection.  They can help us to reach out that much further to those who are lost and helpless.  Despite the pain and grief that I myself still carry around within me, I still believe in the healing, transformative power of art.  That is why I write these posts at Amid Night Suns.  That is why I make these videos.  Because I love you, and I want you to know that you are not alone.  No matter how heavy the burden of knowing secret things, no matter how agonizing the experience of loving my kith and kin, I will not stop.  I have a woman in my life who loves me, and I cherish her with all my heart.  I have family and friends that fortify me.  I have purpose in my life now.  I carry my burdens gladly, to know that I have such things.  I hope these words reach out to you, and touch your heart.  There is joy and magick even in sadness.  We can help one another to lighten the load.  Even in grief, together we can carry each other.


  1. The reason for sufferings existence is somewhat mysterious Raj. A spiritual teacher called Richard Rose who claimed enlightenment thought in very gnostic terms and believed that sin did not exist. He saw the world as an "abattoir" where "everything was eating everything else". He would ask interesting questions such as "When an animal kills another animal for food, does it commit a sin or does god forgive it for keeping ecology in balance". He would use these kinds of questions to force what he called a "retreat from error". He thought people were kidding themselves about the nature of the world.

    I think in many ways he was right; maybe the correct path is to retreat from the world as something "important". The only argument I can put forward to counter the gnostic type argument is the idea of spiritual development. If spiritual development is real and there are different levels of development in nature then maybe an animal does not sin when it kills because it is at a low level of development. On the other hand a human being may sin due to a higher level of development. The idea of a spiritual hierarchy would negate the gnostic view but I don't claim that such a view is necessarily correct.

  2. Dear Raj,

    This post connected with me so deeply but I didn't know how to say how much it meant in my situation. Today, a huge turning point in my life, I want you to know how much your posts mean to me.

  3. Delorus,

    I'm grateful to be able to write a post that connects so deeply with you during such a huge turning point in your life. Your support has meant the world to me. I wish nothing but blessings and love for you, my friend.

  4. Thank you, your word really, reeally touch my heart. I find this post for a curious chain of events, finally im here because i saw an amazing picture in a video, that maybe you post here (i dont see jet) i was trying to track it using tineye, and that brought me here. Im glad to here what i here this morning beacause, then i find the video to see that picture and find your blog.