Thursday, 11 September 2014

As The Storm Rages

Welcome back to Amid Night Suns, dear readers.  The last few months have been especially challenging and chaotic for me personally.  My private life has gone through very trying, frightening periods.  When the health and well-being of the person you hold dearest is tested again and again it's easy to despair.  But I’m always fighting tooth and nail to not give in to such despair.  I go through moments, days or weeks when I fail in that fight.  But I always attempt to dust myself off, reflect and then persevere with even greater conviction.  I fail at this too sometimes.  But failing is not the point.  The point is that each new attempt at success – each new attempt at battling private demons – must be met with a more sophisticated and stronger plan of attack.  It isn’t always easy to do, especially when you feel like you’re groping blindly in the dark.  Those failures demand insight, brutal self-honesty and careful recalibration.

But the fear and uncertainty I've experienced in my personal life recently seems reflected in the world around me at the moment.  The world seems poised at a crossroads or on the edge of some kind of cusp-event.  However, all men see their own private struggles reflected back at them in the stars.  I think it’s just the nature of consciousness and individuation – a metaphysical paradox through which the physical and spiritual dimensions of experience are fundamentally interdependent.  That living link between the personal and the global, between internal and external; it seems like mystical gibberish to some and hard-won common sense to others.  Place your bets and take the ride, I guess.

But I think at times like these, with global chaos unfolding and all sorts of wars waging or looming on the horizon, it’s even more important not to give into despair or apathy.  A certain sobriety of outlook is useful, as is a certain measure of detachment from everything happening around us.  But those things are not the same as complete disengagement, sociopolitically or personally.  It does us no good to pretend we don’t hear those personal demons hissing in the darkness as they search our psyches for wounds or anxieties that they can use as leverage.  Speaking symbolically at the very least, it seems the Archons and power-elites are doing what they have always done – trying to find a million different ways to get us to love all the horror.  And if not love it, then at least getting us to feel semi-comfortable with it.  To battle evil, a certain amount of horror is necessary, right?  But there are various evils, and the most pernicious of them often go unmentioned and intellectually unchallenged.  Corporate, gleaming utopias where warlords wear three-thousand dollar suits and genocides are planned in five-star hotels…this isn’t the stuff of near-future science fiction.  

This is now. 

Most of the Earth’s market is a black market - lawless, corrupt and elitist.  Think about that.  Really think about it.  Most of what happens on this planet is conspiracy.  But it's even more complex than that.  Even at an immediate and personal level every family harbors a conspiracy of some kind, completely unknown to outsiders, or else knowledge of it obfuscated for various reasons.  My point is that secrecy and subterfuge can be both negative and positive.  Even love is a kind of conspiracy, isn’t it?  That old black magic called Love is full of subterfuge and strange intimacies, hidden codes and private interests, certain nuances or subtleties that go unnoticed by others.  What I’m trying to say is that some secrets keep you alive and sane and healthy, or keep you safe from the clutches of various oppressors.  And some failures can help you to better forge the mysterious path ahead, if you let them.  

So, as the storm continues to rage all around me, both privately and globally, I take a long hard look at my failures.  I try to be brave, to gain insight from those failures, and to recalibrate wisely in my next attempts at battling my demons.  And when I feel broken and defeated, I slowly begin to rekindle the faint embers of the seeker within me.  It’s slow and painful at first but I try to remain diligent even at the edge of hopelessness, until those sparks are fanned once more into an Innermost Flame.  And if the old hermetic adage of ‘As Above, So Below’ is true, then that newly kindled flame has the universe within it.   


  1. Hi Raj,

    I just found a link to your site through the Lunar Barbecue FB Group. This entry resonated with me.

    "When the health and well-being of the person you hold dearest is tested again and again it's easy to despair."

    I too have experienced this and found it to be beyond distressing. It was more painful than a near fatal motorbike accident that I had years ago. Such a trial will painfully burn away the impurities present in our identities.

    "That living link between the personal and the global, between internal and external; it seems like mystical gibberish to some and hard-won common sense to others. Place your bets and take the ride, I guess."

    Amen. If you ever write a book, that should be your subtitle.

  2. "Those failures demand insight, brutal self-honesty and careful recalibration." You're not confused brother, and you're not alone. Terrific post Raj, and I'm completely on your page. Love is the great conspiracy, and it's gaining momentum as well.