Wednesday, 24 June 2015

A New Gnosis

Welcome back to Amid Night Suns, my friends.  It’s been quite a while.  In fact, it’s been almost five months that I haven’t posted anything on this blog.  I’ve been going through rough times in my personal life – going through a process of recalibration and reorientation – and trying to gain as much experience and wisdom as possible from that process. It’s a very difficult struggle for me, and for those I love.  Facing up to various realities is never an easy process, especially when you can recognise your part in why things have developed the way they have, or why very intimate personal relationships are not working out the way you had hoped.  I am a very flawed and perhaps haunted individual, and I am well aware that this often puts undue stress on those close to me – because they care about me, and it hurts them to see me struggle with depression, anxiety or hopelessness.  And it works both ways too.  It can be very painful for me to see my friends and loved ones still battling their own demons, still fighting the same old psychic wars.  Especially considering that my own personal demons are sometimes of a more literal variety.  Or it feels that way, at the very least. 

But you can’t snuff out a smokeless and eternal flame, no matter how dimmed or tentative its fire becomes.  You cannot remove an Innermost Light.  All of us, at our essence, are this sentient spiritual fire.  You can call it God, Love, Consciousness, but it animates all things.  It’s the reason there is something rather than nothing.  And I for one am very beloved of this Innermost.  It gives me direct signs and examples of my own spiritual sovereignty when I am willing to listen and see.  It gives me tender intimations and implications of that same sovereignty even when I've lost my way, and the path seems darker than ever.  This Innermost has seen me at my worst, at my most hopeless and desperate.  And it has seen me also at my very best, when I am loving and kind and creative.  Indeed, it’s the very thing that animates and inspires me to these better angels of my nature.  I am never cruel or vindictive, but I realise now with even greater poignancy that I’ve been struggling with depression issues my entire life, and that it can take a toll on those closest to me.  Because it hurts to see someone you love living so far beneath their potential, and struggling so intensely with the business of simply being alive.  It cuts in a very intimate way that I don’t have to describe to any of you reading this, because undoubtedly you’ve experienced it in some form for yourselves.

But this post wasn’t intended to be about sadness and struggle.  It’s about hope, healing, and new beginnings.  Even with all my flaws and failings I will never ever give up.  I will always love the ones that I love, regardless of circumstance.  I will always attempt to be there for them when they need me, flaws and all.  And I will always dust myself off, patch myself up and continue fighting the Good Fight.  Anyone familiar with this blog won’t need me to tell them what that good fight is all about.  But for the uninitiated it’s about kindness, compassion, strength, fearlessness and lucidity.  It’s about embodying the change you would like to see in the world around you.  It’s about being a voice for the voiceless, and protecting the weak and wounded.  And it’s about calling out corruption and imbalances in power wherever you find them.  Ultimately the Good Fight is about knowledge and truth, both physical and spiritual.  And the Gnostics believed that true knowledge is power, and that the nuanced and subtle applications of that power are the beginnings of true liberation and wisdom.  I believe the same thing.  But we are not separate from knowledge, or its inherent power.  The universe is a vast web of intimately interrelated possibilities.  We live in a near-unfathomable universe of mysterious interconnection.  As we change and evolve and confront new challenges, so does our relationship with the spiritual knowledge and power that we seek.  As we change so too does the world.  I’ve always known this, but recent circumstances seem to be trying to give me uncomfortably vivid examples of this interconnectivity.

If I want to continue trying to change the world for the better, in tiny incremental ways, then I also have to change along with it.  If I want to fight the darkness of despair and hopelessness and corruption, then I have to become that Innermost Light with ever-increasing nuance and intensity.  I have to become that fire.  And I am.  I may be lost and struggling as always, in one way or another, but my commitment to human freedom and my kinship with the Unseen Realms remains steadfast and illuminating.  I am that fire.  You are too, dear reader.  It connects us in ways that we cannot fully comprehend.  Much of my content at Amid Night Suns might seem heretical or disturbing to a mainstream psyche, but that's only because we have lived with such staggering corruption and abuse at the hands of the powerful for most of human history.  We are not simply walking sacks of meat cursed with the illusion of cognition through some quirk of biochemistry.  Neither are we sinful and hateful spirits deservedly beneath the heel of some monarchical, tyrannical and wrathful ‘God’.  No, we are something much, much greater than that. We are Vessels and Keepers of the true Light, the real Creator – that Innermost that quickens the spirit and empowers the heart.

 So know this, dear readers.  You have guides and helpers and friends still moving among you, many of them Unseen.  The Ragged Magi walk beside you in the shadows, fighting battles on your behalf, questing diligently for your spiritual emancipation.  You are the knowledge you seek.  You are the power inherent within it.  That’s why the predators and abusers and fallen ones fear you.  Because at our core, truth is what we all are. 

We are, all of us, the Fire.  Burn Brightly.