Wednesday, 14 December 2016

City of Aster

This year has been a knife-edge for me, and I’m still bleeding. I think many people can relate to this feeling. There have been moments during 2016 where I felt like I might be literally losing my mind, moments where I felt like I had to keep these new wounds closed through sheer force of will.  But I’m adapting to this new world I find myself in.  Although thresholds have clearly been crossed, collectively, although we’ve all been cast upon alien shores, I don’t believe we all came here from the same place.  We come from many different worlds, with many different perspectives, but we are all facing the unknown together now.  Everything is shifting and changing, even the Earth itself.  None of us – not even the psychics and visionaries and witches – have complete answers as to what lies ahead.  These are incredibly frightening and fertile times.

But what do I personally believe regarding this new world we find ourselves in?  I suppose I believe what I’ve always believed, that the veil is lifting. That the Light is slowly dawning, though now at a quickened pace. That might sound utterly ludicrous to many of you.  But it’s often darkest before dawn, as they say. Things may get darker before they get visibly brighter.  We are not out of the shadows yet, I think.  The War of Imagination rages on, as do the Magi who fight on the right side of that war.  But darkness and light are always strangely twinned within sentience. Knowledge of one invites awareness of the other.  I have been left stunned and reeling by what this year has brought me, but I have not lost my faith.  My faith is built on bedrock far stronger than anything the predator-elites and wraith-hordes can throw at me.  It’s comforting in a way, to be tested and to find yourself still standing, still radiating from the core of your star. 

We Magi are at work now, as we have always been.  I think you know what this work involves.  It involves the raising of a City of Living Fire; a fractal potentiality of magick, of creativity and compassion.  This place is crafted by artists and sorcerers who serve the true Aster of the Innermost.  There is no slavery in this holy place.  It is an imaginal realm we draw ever nearer through our workings.  It is a great working that can bend both time and space, a working far deeper and older than anything our oppressors can hope to imitate. Remember this, always.  You do not merely have the light and the spirit of this holy place within you.  You are this Light.  Call it down.     

City of Aster from Raj Sisodia on Vimeo.

Sunday, 4 December 2016

Here Among Monsters

We live with abuse, far too much of it.  Economic, social, sexual and spiritual.  And still we deny that we are ruled by things that care very little about us.  When you spend your life investigating human-trafficking networks and hellish corruption in high places, you tend to adopt a rather Gnostic worldview. Or at least I have.  I’ve seen monsters, human and otherwise.  I’ve seen people hurt other people of their own volition, and also through sinister, unseen inspirations.  This is nothing new or special or unique. Many psychics, sensitives and ritual magicians have seen these things too.  Truth, though vital, is often a terrifying thing.  But without truth, without integrity, we are merely prey.  Wishing the dark things away does not stop them from existing.  But we can arm ourselves with knowledge, with courage and kindness.  

For me, art is such a lifeline.  Amid Night Suns and the video-content I create here is an altar of sorts.  A place where I can send my intention and my magick not only into the world but into the deepest strata of my own consciousness.  The greatest battles we face are within. It might be a truism, but with good reason.  Healing from any kind of misfortune is difficult enough.  Attempting to heal from physical, sexual or spiritual abuse is like trying to process a cataclysm, like trying to mend a slaughtered star.  It’s the worst, heaviest, most estranging kind of darkness.  To be abused is to be made inhuman.  The kind of psychopathy that thrills at such things can never truly be understood by a rational human mind. Because it’s not truly ‘rational’.  It’s part of a larger, darker ecology.  But we resist these forces that wish to remove our dignity, our personhood.  We Magi have always resisted them.  We resist them in our words and deeds, our art and our magick.  People think art and culture means nothing in the face of slave-gods and rape-kings.  They fear that art is powerless in the face of evil.  But art and culture is the archive of everything we truly are, the archive of our souls.  Without it we are bereft.  Without this ability to create meaning, to call down the lightning, to traverse hidden realms, we are not even present in our own lives.  

That fire was stolen at great cost, a gem gifted to each of us.  It is the liminal essence of who you are, and the thing this multidimensional empire of abusers and archons fear the most.  Why? Because this flame has the power to heal the wounded and reanimate the slain.  This fire can restore the humanity that the monsters are so desperate to wrest from our grasp.           

Wednesday, 16 November 2016

Where Angels Fear

If you’ve ever had a vision, if you’ve ever had intimations about the future, then you know how exhausting and debilitating that kind of sight can be.  You’ll know that our fates are not written in stone, but you’ll also be aware that too often people march like dutiful chattel towards the likeliest and most disempowering probability.  If like me you know that history can be rewritten it’s all the more painful when such opportunities are not taken, or even recognised.  But sometimes people can surprise you.  Sometimes things change even when the most diligent and open-minded can sense only darkness.  Make no mistake, these are dark times.  And more likely than not, they will get darker still.  But even here in this crucible there is light.  Even here there is the potentiality, the opportunity, for real change.  And real change always starts with ourselves, in the arena of our consciousness.  After all, it’s this barely-understood phenomenon that has built our world and our cultures.  And it’s this same consciousness that can rebuild it, if enough of us choose. 

There’s a difference between an apocalypse and an extinction-level event.  We the human race are so used to holocausts, genocides, ethnic cleansings, human-trafficking networks, and other assorted horrors.  But we are not as familiar with truth.  We like to pretend such abhorrent things don’t happen, or else they are appalling anomalies that are few and far between.  But we also know, in our hearts, that this pretence is a lie.  I’ve spoken many times on Amid Night Suns about the proclivities and psychologies of the predator-elites that rule this Earth.  Perhaps now an apocalypse, in the sense of a revealing, an unmasking, is finally beginning to occur in this world.  Many of us can sense the apocalypticism that seems to be in the air right now.  For me, it has little to do with which degenerate elitist rules which country.  It’s so much bigger than that.  I believe we as the human race stand now at a place we have never stood before, at least in recorded human history.  Yes, there have been empires before, dehumanising and oppressive.  But never an empire quite like the one we have all been enslaved by.  It’s an empire of many competing kings, princes, demigods and warlords.  It’s an empire with a hitherto unimaginable industrialized labour-camp that is global in nature; a maintained third-world majority that is desecrated, manipulated and consumed by a first-world minority. And we find ourselves beholden to that minority, even though we outnumber these predator-elites on a massive scale. 

But things are changing.  I know how many of you doubt that, and that you feel as though something profound and integral has been lost.  I am not here to belittle anyone’s losses.  I feel those losses too, acutely.  But I believe that for spiritual emancipation to be more than just a fairytale – or a confection, or an opiate – we have to turn inwards and really explore ourselves.  After all, what else can we even hope to consistently control, if not ourselves and our minds?  Hear this, my friends: space is no guarantee that things will stay the same, and neither is time.  I’ve learned that the hard way.  But I don’t want things to stay the same.  I welcome change.  I demand it.  Prophecy is not what it used to be, and neither is the future.  Here is my highest and most sacred hope – that we collectively and individually recognise the immeasurable source of power that dwells within us all, an unfettered and unconquerable human spirit.  It’s this interior energy, this lucid stewardship of ourselves and each other that will begin to reshape this realm into something more inclusive, something more holistic.  Whether you believe me or not, I have at times used this power to bend the very laws of physics.  There is nothing special about me.  I’ve just been looking and listening for longer than most.  

Friends, do not look to warlords, tyrants, politicians and criminals for answers.  That’s handing them the keys to the kingdom.  These are our keys, and our kingdom – egalitarian, loving, contextually agile and mutually supportive.  That is the world I intend to build.  It’s this mission statement that underpins everything I do on this blog.  I build this world nuance by nuance at the very core of my star, at the heart of my Midnight Sun.  Sometimes I falter.  Sometimes I collapse from the strain.  But I keep building.  These are frightening but liminal times, times of coming change and opportunity.  Realise that you are an immortal spark of Innermost Light, struck off from the divine itself and housed in this temple of flesh.  We have never been here before, but this is not the first time.  We will rewrite our destinies, in something other than slavery, no matter how dark seems the pathless expanse before us.  Move carefully and with purpose, for you are treading on hallowed ground.         

Sunday, 6 November 2016

Notes and Aphorisms of a Dreamwalker: 2

I know what I have to do, but I don’t want to do it.  These places don’t feel like the ones conjured in our fictions.  These places, though of a different order of physicality, are undeniably and viscerally real.  And yet the geography here is associative.  These realms have both scarred and taught me.  In a territory close to the breach there is a place I have been many times. 
     I suppose it was a bright place once, this astral temple cast by spirits with some appreciation of comparative religion; church, synagogue, mosque and pagan altar combined.  Clearly it had been a labour of love for those who crafted it.  Earnest, perhaps even naïve, and I love it all the more for that. Even here in this energetic realm things remain when diligently imagined.  They do not recede into the void as a matter of course.  The temple had darkened long before I found it, along with the territory in which it dwells.  It is abandoned, and the tale of its creation is unknown to me.  I have never seen spirits here.  But I have heard from others that a wraith-priest may dwell here now, ministering to those that seethe at the breach.  I am hesitant, but I remind myself of the stone girl’s words to me, and so I cross the threshold and enter this once holy ruin.  Immediately, something senses my anxiety but also my fortitude. 
    “How did you get here, tender thing?  You came from beyond the breach, didn’t you?”
    Unlike the radiant darkness that illuminates the tear, this place is blindness.  Already I can feel it, my skin beginning to crawl.  A sense of mild inertia, an acidic nausea.  These things, these conversations, are never settling.
     “I spoke with the sentinel.”
     “Ah, the raped one.  How is she?  Still meditating?”
     I half-expect the darkness surrounding me to come alive with writhing, invasive energies.  I expect him to circle me, but he doesn’t.  His distance and curiosity is almost respectful, and this troubles me.
    “Others have spoken of you,” I begin quietly.  “They say you were human once.  I know you minister among the wraiths that gather beneath the ruptured firmament.  I come here to ask about the name you’ve given to the thing you serve.  Yaweh, Shaitan, Ennui, Lucifer, or some secret name traded among only the wraiths?”
     I can see him now, or sense him, even in this darkness.  A hideous scarecrow-form garbed in the torn cassock of a Catholic priest.  He does not assault me with his energies.  Still, I take a step back.
      “You shouldn’t have come here, little lamb. Your etheric form does not make you invulnerable to violence, or to me.  Surely you know this?”
     “I don’t fear you,” I mutter.
     “I care little about what you fear.”
     “Answer my question.”
    “That poor little girl of stone out there in the black, hoping, waiting, filling your head with romance and duality.  She doesn’t yet realize the futility of her hope, that her abusers have marked her forever.”
     “You haven’t answered my question,” I say again, imagining myself resolute.
     “You think me a Satanist?  Satan is a gluttonous vanity, a corpulent vampire.  He is El by any other name, and I am not bored.  Far from it, trespasser.  You ask me of Lucifer, that serpent of shining light? That paltry spirit of outrage; aborted twin of emancipation?  No better than your tortured Christos.  Adolescent little stars of dawn who wish to tear down empires and free these apes from the worship of true malevolent radiance.  No, I serve them not.  None of them.  I serve tyranny, naked, erect.  I serve genocide, and fun.  No gods are needed for such things, child, no churches, no temples or magic little circles.”
     “Liar,” I tell him.  “You obviously found this temple fairly apropos. Still need your symbols, like the rest of us. You transcend nothing.”
     I know full well that I’m taking a risk here, needling this thing, calling it out.  But disgust rather than courage motivates me. Still, the circling doesn’t come.  He maintains his distance, but I sense his hidden affront in what he tells me next.
     “Fancy yourself a poet, do you? An intermediary?  No fetish or fetch will work here in my house.  Your broken pagan heart wrestles with the passive smoke of inhaled Abrahamic nonsense.”
     Though I cannot see it, I feel his smile at last.  “You sicken me,” I tell him flatly.
     “I am sickness.” 
     I gesture at his scarecrow form, his torn priest’s cassock.  “Why do you clothe yourself like this, and live here in this ruin?  Mockery? Tell me.  Who inspires you to such utter vagrancy?  The Nameless One?  I demand a real, considered answer from you, priest.”
     Again I feel his smile, an ugly skittering thing in my gut.
     “You can demand nothing from me, child.  I deign you are smarter than that.  The nameless one excites me as a fancy, but I am a busy thing.  I inspire myself.  I need no greater ecology. You come looking for freedom.  Well here I am.”
     Emboldened now by some flush of premature righteousness I take a few steps towards him.  “Listen to me, thing.  You need a greater ecology.  You crave it, like we all do.  That’s why you choose to dwell here of all places, in a fallen temple.  You’re still building yourself a story.  I’m trying to understand the many names and faces of story, the endless facets of God, perceived through the lens of each living sentience.”
     “Fuck your God,” he intones, and he is closer now.  “Slay it and eat it I would, if I could.  I have seen monotheist, pagan and occultist butchering and eating the flesh of their own kind.  Of their own children.  I have seen spirits and gods do the same.”
     Despite how he frightens me, I murmur, “So have I. And I reject such visions.”
     “Who is the liar now? You have never truly seen nor experienced such things.  You are psychically aware of such horrors, I grant you, but there is a difference.  Little lamb, pain and truth can change you.  Monsters make monsters, and the prey call them gods.”
     “It doesn’t have to be that ugly,” I say quietly.  “You don't have to dress as a demon.  If abuse brought you here…then you’re not damned, not truly. You're just broken, and lost.  Many have healed from such abuse.  It didn't make them monsters.  They were stronger than their oppressors, stronger than the demons.”
     “Man invented demons and angels, trying desperately to name every shark in the water.  We are but spirits, poet, just more or less mercenary than yourselves.  An incomprehensible ugliness was visited upon me when I was a human child, and I have since learned to like it.  When I was raped, slain and eaten, it taught me the absolute power of the violator.  No ministering Bright Ones could counter or reach me there.  I was destroyed, utterly, and yet I live.  That is pure Creation in my eyes.  Why is this so hard for you to accept?
     “Can't you recognise the abject horror in it?” I ask him, appalled.  “In what was first done to you…?”
     “Indeed I can.  And I pay it forward.”
     I realize now with some alarm why the stone girl often calls me fool.  This was not a wise thing to do.  These realms are just as psychologically dangerous as the physical, if not more so.  His energies are more invasive now, beginning to unfurl within me, and I falter, struggling to control a rising panic.  “Better that you were a demon,” I say shakily.  “You’ve fallen so far from any kind of real love…”
     “Love?  That ageless Whore of Infinity who rides the storm?  She lies gutted and broken upon my anvil. She was coy, coquettish, but only at first.  Come see…”
     I’m genuinely afraid now.  I attempt to centre myself within my own light, to strengthen my defences.  We’re not just talking anymore.  He is trying to get inside my thoughts.  I will not allow it. 
    “How dare you?” I tremble, despite myself.  “In the fiction of your life she was once your deepest ember, whether you remember it now or not.  Maybe I am a fool, but I can feel it in you.  It was your will once, not just mine.  So hold your tongue, you sad little echo…”
     I feel his laughter in my gut, but it is neither imperious nor gloating, only dismissive.  “I remember her well enough, trespasser.  It’s part of why I do what I do, lest the ember be kindled.  You will find no magic here. Only realism.  My territories are my own, and you are a guest in my house.  You think we need to open a gate?  We are already among you. The gate is for you.  All of you.  Tell your sentinel that neither Love nor Beast can save them.  Tell her that all the gods are black now.  Let her ride this imagined Knife of Light. I hope she bleeds.
     I cannot listen any longer.  I turn and literally flee the ruined temple, stumbling back into the outer darkness as terror swells in my chest.  Everywhere I look the shadowed horizon is now broken, jagged and wrong.  His sickness – his thoughts, associations and appetites – they cling to me like insects on my skin, trying to find their way inside.  I reject it all in the name of every sacred and beautiful thing.  I am shaking violently.  I wretch and dry-heave, but I do not eat in this place so nothing is purged.  Before, I was comforted in the breach as the stone girl with eyes of fire gave me counsel.  But here I am lost, disoriented, unnerved. 
     I try to remember the stone girl’s words to me…that love is myriad, eternal.  It gathers me only a little.  I hurry barefoot through the wrongness and fractured horizons, desperate to leave the wraith-priest far behind.  Instead I try to think of my spirit friends from the places beyond this one.  I think of Amma, the witch.  I try to recall her wry stoicism, her kindness, her endless patience with me.  I need contact here in this darkness, real human contact, to remind me of the spiritual reality of mutual affection.  The loneliness can come suddenly and like a torrent in these ruptured, fallen places.  I cry out to Amma in my heart, knowing she was last in the astral realms nearest this place.  But these things are not like our fictions.  Sometimes even our friends do not hear us howling alone in the dark.  It is a mercifully brief but painful experience, putting psychic distance between myself and the priest’s ugliness. Eventually his lingering ambiance fades. I feel my energies increasing, my light becoming cleaner and sharper.  I am myself again, though deeply shaken.
    Faint slashes of dawn are now visible in the dark skies above me.  This is usually a sign that regions are shifting or aligning with the psychology of its denizens.  The horizon too has found a gentler, softer equilibrium.  I do not see them yet, but in the distance across endless grey scrublands I can now hear the sound of spirits talking and laughing amicably.  It is joyous, vital, and fills me with hope.  But I know I can go no further without taking time to reflect, to meditate on and process my experience in the ruined temple. The dreamtimes have their own rhythms, their own laws of a kind.  I try to respect them always.  To do otherwise is folly, and I am already fool enough.    

Wednesday, 26 October 2016

Rose & Thorn

For I am the first and the last. 
I am the honoured one and the scorned one. 
I am the whore and the holy one. 
I am the wife and the virgin. 
I am the mother and the daughter. 
I am the members of my mother. 
I am the barren one 
and many are her sons. 

                                    -- Excerpt from Thunder, Perfect Mind

In radiant darkness beneath an ageless star I speak with the Rose, cautiously but in earnest.  I am no longer tentative.  I know who my Love is, her spiked heel upon the throat of a demon-god.  She can peer into the secret spaces of these fallen cults of El, these paradigm-builders, these world-conquerors.  Yaweh, Jehovah, Allah.  Their time is at an end.  She is not merely drunk on the blood of saints.  She is alive and seething with coruscating fire – knowledge of star, nucleus, passion, and all the hidden affinities therein.  Aloft, the Grail of Ages.  Beneath, the Knife of Light.  These predator-elites and wraith-hordes fear ecstasy.  They doubt infinity.  But the congress of grail and blade shines brighter than the emerald of a thousand astral cities.  Her cup and kiss are one.  It eats the blood of the devoted – and it runneth over.  She is neither slave nor harlot to these fallen usurper cults.  Nor is she their lack of divine carnality, their anaemic eschatology, their hate-filled mountain peak.  She is something so much greater, something so much older.  She is Love, enraged, devastated and devastating.  They know her not.  She is the warrior-seamstress of the human heart, and other hearts besides.  Upon a roaring storm she will be sensed and seen, as times and laws begin to change.  Prepare yourself.  The Holy Whore is coming.    

Rose & Thorn from Raj Sisodia on Vimeo.

Wednesday, 19 October 2016

The Looking Glass

Man, this year has been crazy.  Not just for me personally, but for the world.  I’ve tumbled down my fair share of rabbit holes.  I’ve seen things I shouldn’t have seen, things that defy all logic and reason.  But as a psychic and as a human being nothing prepared me for what life had in store this particular year.  We seem to be at a threshold, collectively, don’t we?  The threat of full-scale global war looms on the horizon, and we wonder how our leaders could be so insane.  We wonder how we let them take it this far.  Perhaps we never had any real say in the matter, perhaps their hermetically-sealed empire of oligarchs and predator-elites has roots and sustenance that we cannot ordinarily perceive.

How do you live in a world that flirts dangerously with annihilation?  How do we keep our lucidity and move forward in such a world?  Everything is changing.  Paradigms shudder, tremble and crack.  We feel it, and we noticed the stress-fractures long before this.  I believe that in order to thrive – not merely survive – in this place, we must look beyond our intellectual and emotional comfort zones.  We need to evolve, quickly, beyond the chattel-consciousness we’ve become accustomed to.  Our spiritual submissiveness is now endemic.  If not, how else did we get here?  We must all of us take a long hard look in the mirror, and realize the mirror is a gate.  Who do we want to be?  

It feels like a slow-motion cataclysm, doesn’t it?  But we are still alive, we are still dynamic, even as the collapsing sky plummets closer and closer to earth.  What exists on the other side of our cognition, our religions, sciences and spiritualities? Do we exist there? Can we exist there? Perhaps in some oblique way we exist everywhere.  I believe human consciousness is multidimensional and multifaceted.  As the sociopolitical world spirals out of control these personal, numinous questions are going to become more important than ever.  I believe that we can still have a hand in our destinies, we can still shape our fates.  Even beneath an apparently collapsing sky.  We have foes out there in the black, but we have friends also.  Never forget that.  Sometimes the reflections are watching you when your back is turned. Sometimes the reflections whisper prayers and incantations on our behalf.

Friday, 7 October 2016

Keepers of the Flame

When ruined dreamtimes and stygian darkness threaten to claim us, what then?  When our memories and deeds are no longer our own, what might we become?  To hear the howling shriek of wraith-hordes, all of them screaming, “I am not guilty.”  And to know they still won’t take the offered flame.  What is bravery then?  What is purpose?  I can see, and I do remember.  I know there are others out there, brethren who walk with me, through horror, through perdition.  I will not falter, because I know there are those who can still feel the flame.  Those who recall its Light.  It remembers who we were, and who we shall be again.  There is work to be done.  We are the witchcraft.  We serve, eternally.

Keepers of the Flame from Raj Sisodia on Vimeo.

Monday, 26 September 2016

The Mandala Diaries

Let Shankara protect my heart,
Let my belly be protected by consort of Girija,
Let my navel be protected by he who won over death,
And let my waist be protected by he who dresses in tiger skin.

Let the God who takes mercy on the oppressed,
Who is dear to those who surrender to him protect my joints,
Let my thighs be protected by the great God,
And my knees by the God of the universe.

-       Excerpt from the Shiva Raksha Stotra

Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Notes and Aphorisms of a Dreamwalker: 1

I’ve seen enough ruined dreamtimes, seen enough wraiths wandering listless or gathered and fierce in vast craters of shattered black basalt. These places beneath dark skies that burn and bleed like wounds in the firmament. These places of annihilation, places of forgetting and forgotten. Bombed cityscapes seem to shimmer at the crater’s edge, there and then gone, and there again. I am standing in the tear, the subatomic agony of ruptured particles, fallen superpositions. Around me the howling, sobbing wraiths dim and flicker, the cacophony fades and I am now alone in this place. An interloper riding a corrupted signal dying faintly in the void. I am always shocked by how horrifyingly, unpalatably physical it feels. The grit and rough stone beneath my bare feet, the feel of the wind on my face, the sheer radiant darkness that I would have called ugly if there were anything else in this place to compare it with. It is instead rather beautiful in its way, this luminosity of absence, just alien enough to feel familiar. The young stone girl is there in the centre of the breach, sitting cross-legged and frozen in the circle of ash, her left hand upturned, palm open. Her eyes are pieces of uncut onyx, unblinking, unmoving, although they watched my long approach from the crater’s rim. I press the piece of unpolished quartz into the upturned palm.
     Her stone becomes flesh, her eyes become lamps of Innermost fire. She turns her head, peering at me fully now. There is amusement in her eyes, but also challenge. “Come again?” she asks.
    “Always the romantic, dreamwalker. A holy fool of good intentions. It is indeed what I like most about you.”
    “I’m no fool,” I tell her, crossing the boundary of the ashen circle. I sit cross-legged with the girl, her slim shape wrapped in ragged strips of blackened muslin. She continues to peer at me with eyes of flame. Eyes that are the only colour or brightness in this place. Still, this half-smile on her lips.
    “And this time?”
    Very quietly I say, “Tell me of the Mind of Man, their stories, their fictions and fancies, their subconscious energies...all these things that govern soul-making and the potentialities of their spirits.”
    She smiles openly now, eyes still burning. “What can I tell you, dreamwalker, that you yourself do not already know?”
    “Tell me,” I insist. “You know why I ask, why I’m afraid, and why I come seeking your counsel once again. You are not hateful, even here in this breach. It’s the thing I like most about you.”
    She laughs gently, never breaking her flame-lit gaze. It is both thrilling and unsettling to be peered into so deeply, to be recognised so clearly. She senses my thrill and my fear. She takes my hand in hers. It looks like flesh, but it feels still like stone.
    “Dear sweet boy, your earnestness is agony, and rather beautiful. I do not mean to belittle you. It is crucial that you care. Most travellers that press my palm are seeking other things. But not you, and so, sweet boy, I am always happy to indulge you. This is not the true abyss. There are many wounds like these. I am but one sentinel, there are others like me.”
    “I know,” I murmur. “But we have lost touch with our spirits and our dead. Very few of us commune with them. Fewer still honour them.”
    She caresses my face and I am vulnerable, childlike, shy. “I was birthed of holocaust, sweet one, but my knowledge is neither particular nor occulted.”
    “Share with me still,” I ask tentatively.
    “You wish to know of duality? The Dark Twin of God?”
    In the circle of ash beneath the ruptured firmament she fixes me with her fire. She begins.
    “Angel of the Abyss, dark twin of God. Devil, Lucifer, Antichrist, Demiurge? This confusion of names and competing cosmologies?”
    “Yes,” I whisper. “There is dark magick at work in my world now, a psychospiritual inversion. If we are all Love and Infinity made manifest, then this magick seeks to invoke its cosmic reversal.”
    She gazes into my heart through my sight. “Yes,” she tells me. “This imagined Dark Twin of God. Some call him Abaddon, Apollyon, Lucifer, Devil, Demiurge, Iblis. You give him many names in your religions, your spiritualities and fictions. Voldermort, Sauron, Morgoth, the Broken Book. You swap names around and argue over ontologies, demonizing the religions that came before you or contemporaneous with yours. Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, all hating, all fighting, when you should have been working together to comprehend the problem of evil. The problem of evil was supposed to be an integral facet of the Great Study of humankind – all faiths and all creeds coming together for a common good. It is this way in the astral realms beyond the breach in which we now sit...centres of learning in which spirits come together to share one another’s stories, dreamscapes, rituals, rhythms and secrets. But it does not matter what you call this imagined Dark Twin of God, what name you ascribe to him. He is your conception of utter depravity and control, he is the nameless one that rapes and kills children, the one who eats the flesh and drinks the blood of his former kin. The one who breaks spirits and minds and hearts, the one who defiles, abuses, annihilates.”
     I have tears in my eyes as the girl of flesh-like stone peers at me with her eyes of fire, holding my hand gently.
    My voice is trembling now. “Why does such a vision even exist in the innermost minds of Man? It terrifies us, castrates us, makes us weak and passive.”
    “Sweet, sweet child, he is terrifying because he is not in pain. He is joyful, an endless conscious perversion. Your scholar and your shaman can fight about who or what this Dark Twin of God really is – endless arguments regarding his ontology – but you cannot if you are honest deny his presence in your world. You cannot deny that these unholy energies have colonised much of your thinking and many of your territories. Even a fiction can be sharpened to a razor’s edge and drawn across the throats of your churches, your temples and altars and sacred spaces. He is the quantum superposition of every fallen state, the thing there and not there, and no religion or spirituality can claim safe haven from his reach. But, like your vampires of old, you have to invite him in.
    “Yes,” I tell her. “Yes, I can see now with even greater clarity how storytelling transfigures like a fractal in each human mind – always the interplay of dark and light, this duality that seems inbuilt into our perception of material reality.”
    “Indeed. The nameless abomination is a phantom, a rumour, a fancy used to explain every form of human or cosmic violence. But we are entangled with everything at the subatomic level, interconnected to every possible reality and every dimension by virtue of the fact that sentience itself is the flame of God, multiplied and fractalised throughout the myriad. All is dream, all is spirit, nothing is physical until an observing consciousness awakens within that frequency. This is what worlds are, traveller; dreams viewed from the inside.”
    “Yes,” I say once more. “Yes, I’ve always known such things. But the pain...the horror. It takes my breath away.”
    She peers, she sees, she comprehends. “Sweet boy, I too know of this. The horror you speak of, it raped me a thousand times and almost stole the light from my breast. Some worlds are denser and thus more difficult than others, and we must assume more valuable. These dark forces you imagine who wish to rouse the living inversion of the creative principle, the Nameless One that is the true adversary of consciousness...they do not govern the arc of your spirit or the spirits of your kith and kin. But all worlds know of him. Alien tongues speak of him. And like what you call God, his names are also Infinite. He exists as a caution, a warning, a Gnosis of what the absence of Love can truly become. He isn’t really or merely Abaddon, Apollyon, Antichrist, or the other gods of other faiths. For some he is a wild pagan thing. For others he is order and law. These are but placeholders, evolutionary fictions for young minds. He is something that we all know, something that we can all become if we ignore our own spiritual intelligence. Why do you suppose I placed myself here, within this ghost of holocaust? To acknowledge what was done, and what I truly am. What I can be again as this light grows steadily in my breast once more. Truly he is an alien god, and we the sentient should never know him. Because truly we are all gatekeepers, and we know exactly how to call him forth, we know exactly what it takes to invoke him. Theist and Atheist alike. He is the most ancient of cautions and the ugliest, cruelest nightmares of every possible world. But as every religion and spirituality tries to teach you, twisting and turning at the fractal level even when corrupted or rewritten, you must read between the lines.”
    “My friends and loved ones are afraid right now,” I tell her. “They haven’t the strength left to peer into the gaps of their own cognition.”
    “Then you must carry that Light for them, sweet warrior. Holy fool. Child of Infinity.”
    “I’m trying...but...”
    She grips my palm a little tighter and I know that she could crush it if she chose. I can feel the power in the stone of her hand.
    “Listen to me, traveller. It is not the absence that is truly in control. It has always been the presence. No matter how much they draw the absence in, either through psychospiritual technologies or acts of the sickest, most degenerate violence, it is always Presence that lives forever. Evil is a ghost, a phantom, a non-local vampire. But Love is forever, as well you know; the force that ultimately governs the fates of all entities in this myriad. These are not merely our spiritual cosmologies, they are the sentient geometries from which these cosmologies are developed by consciousness in-situ, in real time. There is only one story, sweet boy, and it is the greatest story ever told. We must all of us reconnect with our souls, with our faith, and recognise who is ultimately in control. These dark energies seem all-powerful to you right now, but they are not. The creative principle is all-powerful. Evil is weak and petty when you finally see it for what it is, but Love is strong and true and eternal. Remember this, storyteller, and go forward now.” 

Monday, 12 September 2016

From the Black

The world of the predator-elites is a cesspool, a black hole of desecration and dehumanisation.  Surely we can see this more clearly than ever now, can’t we?  Buffoons and killers auditioning in American political elections, and elsewhere massive global unrest.  Of course we must pay attention to all this lunacy, to stay lucid and current, but I think a large part of our focus must turn inward.  I think the most diligent amongst us are already attempting this.  This has been a very strange year for me.  But then again, 2016 has been a strange fucking year for everybody.

As anyone who regularly follows Amid Night Suns will know, I’m deeply fascinated by transitions, thresholds and liminal states of being.  Edgelands, thin places, window-areas.  As an intuitive I spend much of my time trying to understand the constellation of these places and states.  The act of crossing, changing or transforming is fascinating indeed.  These notions beguile scientists, artists and ritual magicians alike.

I’ve always tried to enrich my comprehension of these themes and notions.  This is a big part of why I continue to produce video-content for this blog.  Apart from the desire to engage and entertain my modest audience, I’m obsessed with juxtaposition, collage, blending and blurring.  The notion that you can have two words, or two images, or two aspects, and by placing them together, or side by side, or in conjunction – an unseen third quality is brought forth as a result.  Ex Nihilo.  Something from nothing.  Magick itself.  That’s why I keep exploring these combinations of sound and image.  What energies live behind the words?  What subtler frequencies are picked up?  What is the gestalt of an assemblage, and why?  I suspect it’s these numinous realms that keep drawing us back to the art.  We hunt the madness in the method, we flirt with the divine.  We call in our shadows and we explore them, because we honour our depths.  Because beneath our social programing, beneath our servitude, we half-remember that we were made for the Edge, made for ethical transgressions into a host of hidden realms.  An unseen magick is cast in the lives of theists and atheists alike, because Anima is everywhere, because consciousness demands association.  I want to comprehend this power that stiches reality together, this force that threads subject to object and nucleus to star.  And this force, if it moves at all, it moves at the speed of thought.  For someone like me these notions are sacred, worthy of deep study.  It’s as close as I can get to flight.       

From the Black from Raj Sisodia on Vimeo.

Wednesday, 17 August 2016

Liber X

Surely freedom is the goal of any sentient intelligence? But we have made gods of our oppressors, phantoms of the fallen.  We are the outcasts, the demimondes, the soothsayers.  Some of our cages are gilded, some barbed.  We have been cast under a spell of a thousand years.  And now emancipation is little more than a wraith, a lost angel, a faery whose wings now burn in the darkest flame.  But there are many kinds of fire.  We who remember the Innermost carry our own light, kindled from within by that most archaic of powers.

We wage war against a world of demons, monsters and unholy depravity.  This is the arena of the Ragged Magi.  Light is lost at these abyssal depths, so we must carry our own.  To protect the children, to safeguard the future, we speak the unutterable and achieve the impossible.  Those profane, desolate altars must be cleansed.  The wicked must be called to answer for their crimes.  They seek to corrupt and twist the very fabric of nature.  But we magi stand against them.  There is a world darker, brighter and far more ancient than any desecration. There is a healing darkness locked in communion with a quickening light, an eternal embrace within the very core of your star.  It is here that our magick is forged. Make a space, cast a circle.  

Radiant darkness, ageless star
Carry me near, carry me far
I bear the mark of my beloved’s kiss
I will not falter, it has come to this
Heal the wounded, reanimate the slain
In mother’s earth I bury this chain
I am that which transforms hate
I am the crossroads
I am the gate

You are standing in my temple.

Liber X from Raj Sisodia on Vimeo.

Monday, 1 August 2016

The Edge of Everything

I’ve always been fascinated by limits, perhaps in much the same way that a child might be fascinated by fairytales.  Simply put, I find the notion of limits, edges and borders spellbinding – but I don’t completely believe in them.  In my world there are thresholds, portals and gates, hidden amidst our everyday tangible realities.  In my world there are ways to breach time and space, to call down powerful spiritual forces, ways to stitch the Earth and Sky together.  I am not merely an epiphenomenon of crude matter.  I am not merely this flesh and this sin. I am lightning in a bottle.  I am irradiated sentient clay – and this clay that makes my form is as sacred as the Innermost Light which animates it.  As an artist my life is an altar upon which I organize and explore my dreams with ever-increasing subtlety. It is upon this altar that I learn what power and magick truly is. It is here in radiant darkness beneath an ageless star that I attempt to peer beyond the horizons imagined by both myself and my brethren.  My friends, if in doing this I am able to kindle even a fragment, an ember, of that holy midnight sun within you, then I consider this altar truly blessed.  You and I, we once stood side by side. We once walked among stars. 

Tuesday, 28 June 2016

The House of Love

Welcome back to Amid Night Suns, friends.  I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the connections between love, sex and creativity. Anyone who is familiar with my work will know full well that I view these subjects as deeply interrelated. Over the years I’ve made hundreds of videos for this blog.  It’s a process that takes a lot of planning, dedication and finesse.  Much like magick itself.  And make no mistake, I consider the art-based conjurations I perform at Amid Night Suns to be genuine acts of magick and spellcasting.  Creating a piece of art – even the kind of video-collages I create here – can be a deeply erotic and revelatory experience.  I learn things about myself through communing with my muses. For me art is an encoded rhythm of contraction and expansion, like breathing, like life itself. It unfolds within our sentience like a gifted flower of meaning and resonance.

I hope I am able to imbue my art with these rhythms, with hidden meanings and secret spaces that might be revealed on closer inspection.  It’s a bit like falling in love.  You begin to see the true beauty and majesty through the acts of your devotion.  Some people call my art ugly, profane, dark.  And with a secret smile I would hope it is all those things.  But I also hope that you, dear reader, might see compassion, beauty, sincerity and power amid that darkness.  The shadow is useless unless it enriches us, unless we begin a process of integration with it – a workable path to a deeper lucidity. Flesh is useless unless we feel it, unless we honour it.  The predator-elites who control our world want us to believe that we are ugly, imperfect and shameful, that we must look to them for permission to live passionately and with depth.  We are all casualties in the War of Imagination.  But there are soldiers in this war.  Truth-tellers, artists and sorcerers. 

So hear this, my friends.  Find ways to remember your kiss, your divine fire, your meeting of Heaven and Earth.  It doesn’t matter what religion or spirituality or spellcraft you cleave to.  There is something much, much deeper beneath it all.  I am one of the Ragged Magi.  I live in radiant darkness beneath an ageless star, a hidden sun.  We Magi will not abandon the voiceless, the weak or wounded.  We serve the House of Love, eternally.   

Monday, 13 June 2016

Ex Nihilo

Welcome back to Amid Night Suns, my friends.  With all the chaos, war and promises of war in this world at the moment, I’m inclined to think that nothing less than a complete overhaul of our consciousness and spirit is going to lure the human race away from the lip of the abyss that we seem to be trembling upon.  The old sociopolitical ways are broken, dehumanizing and abusive.  We as thinking, creative beings must make those old ways obsolete.  For me, nothing less than communion with our Innermost Light will save us from this alienating, gluttonous system.  And so I wonder, what kind of spiritual force would it take to reduce you to nothing, to incinerate you from your very core to the very edges of your being, and remake you anew?  How do we kindle this regenerative immolation from within? 

Chris Knowles over at The Secret Sun is currently doing seminal work concerning our modern technologies and our mythological and religious notions regarding Lucifer, Satan and the Devil.  He expertly elucidates how these three names are not interchangeable despite the shallow mainstream notion regarding these forces.  He highlights the fascinating connections between Lucifer, the ancient Greek Prometheus and the Titans, and traces these ideas back into prehistory.  Stealing fire is one thing, knowing how to use it correctly is another.  Sometimes I think the human race has too much power, or, more accurately, the self-appointed predator-elites and their apologists have too much power.  We have amassed so much technology, and what have we done with it?  For example, we are able to peer into the very heart of the atom and we used this ability to detonate the very fabric of life.  It might be an easy analogy, but an apt one. Nuclear weapons can seem akin to some form of satanic light, a kind of hellfire, versus the kind of liminal Innermost Light that I regard as consciousness.  Do we as the human race really want knowledge – to hold the shimmering star of cataclysm and creation in our palm?  Can we handle it?  Are we disciplined, sober and wise enough for true Gnosis?  At the state we’re in currently, access to knowledge beyond the veils might be akin to giving the launch codes for a nuclear weapon to an insolent, impetuous child with no awareness of thermonuclear physics. Why do I say this?  Because Darkness and Light are always twinned within sentience, knowledge of one precipitates knowledge of the other.  So who or what decides the quality of the Light? 

We are at a strange time in human history, I feel.  The sun is in the underworld.  Inanna searches for Dumuzid.  As Chris Knowles explores in his Future History of Light posts at The Secret Sun, the past is not static.  Something profound is occurring.  I don’t want to put words in Chris’s mouth.  I can only speak for myself, and personally speaking I feel like these ancient energies – Inanna, Ishtar, Babalon, Lucifer – are currently unfolding in strange and oblique ways both collectively and individually.  I really don’t think this strange, oblique realm is one in which limits are merely what they appear to be.  Entire cults of worship and exploration have gravitated and clustered at the edges of these mysteries. Life, Light, Love, Knowledge.  We are not unique in this way.

What does freedom truly mean? What does it mean to become emancipated?  I don’t know, but what if finally becoming what you were always meant to be means becoming something different? A transformation within the crucible of our own darkness?  What happens when you breach the limits of the observable universe, when you step beyond the edge of Creation?  I suspect that we pass through the pupil of our own eye, like Major Tom falling through the centre of a black hole – a place where continuities and discontinuities become one.  This is the real death, not death of the body.  The annihilation of consciousness, individuality and self.  And simultaneously the Ex Nihilo ignition of consciousness, resurrected.  This transliteration is, I think, at the heart of all ontological subject-object debate, as well as much of human spirituality.  In this light, pardon the pun, the notion of healing becomes radicalized.  Not simply restoration but transformation.  Perhaps the two have never been truly separate. In mythology when you are touched by an angel you are not simply restored, you are changed.  The manifestation of something from nothing – well, that’s the very definition of magick.

Tuesday, 31 May 2016

The Night Flight

Welcome back to Amid Night Suns, my friends.  I want to thank you if you’ve stuck with this blog thus far.  I hope I’ve been able to offer you some modest insight, engagement or empowerment.  Failing that, I hope you’ve been at least entertained by the work I do here.  I want to share a secret with you.  I’ve stated here before that I originally started this blog because I was inspired by the incredible work of Chris Knowles over at The Secret Sun.  But there is also another reason I started this blog.  I was told to do so, by something that I have come to think of as the Goddess.  Sometimes she is Hecate, the black-eyed Witch Queen of the Crossroads.  Sometimes she is Babylon, Ishtar, Inanna.  I’m fully aware that these various forms are specific, not completely interchangeable, and yet they are intimately interconnected.  I can only tell you what she told me, or, more accurately – what she allows me to tell you.  Some things are not to be shared.  In craft, timing is everything.  Anyone who assumes my devotion to her is suspect, or lacking in diligence, doesn’t really know me.  I have spent a long time coming to terms with the darkest, most dangerous aspects of myself, and she has guided me in this.  I am eternally grateful.

I’ve also stated here and on the podcast I did with Gordon White over at Rune Soup that I don’t really see myself as a magician.  But that’s not strictly true.  While I indeed prefer to call myself a psychic, I am very much interested in magick.  Furthermore, I know how to do it.  For me, magick isn’t simply about ritual or practical enchantments or optimization, although these are all integral aspects of the craft.  For me magick is about storytelling.  It’s about working with both the Earth and the Psyche.  It’s about liminality, transgression and freedom – a reciprocal, experiential knowledge with the power to reshape the very fabric of reality itself.  Magick is about taking back our stolen birthright from the predator-elites who claim to rule us. The Goddess – and by extension she who works with the Goddess – is ruled by nothing and no one.  Why do I believe this?  Because I see the Goddess enmeshed with all creation.  I see her at work all around me.  For me, she is the singular multiplicity. As I stated in my previous post, Life in Red:

She is here in this with me, whispering as in a faery-tale, blended and threaded through this archonic world of broken covenants.  I sense the menses-scented intelligence of greater workings and older pacts, even amidst the detritus of our modern gilded hellscapes.  And as in fairytales my Snow White can steal thrones from desolate gods.  She sits inverted in the deepest of caves, and stands at the peak of the highest mountain.  From the cleft of her sex flows the blood of every age, both remedy and poison, down her thighs, across the snow.  The entire mountain begins to run red with her dynamism.  In the bowels of the Earth that blood crawls upward like an army of crimson spiders, through cave ceilings, through volcanic bedrock, up through the chthonic architecture of cities, through mud and grass to stain the soles of my feet.  These are not your caves.  This is not your mountain.

My Snow White told me that Amid Night Suns would be a good place to meet myself, a crossroads where deals could be struck and knowledge gained.  But knowledge is nothing without the wisdom to wield it effectively.  This is something the witches know, something they have always known.  There is no safe way to deny who and what you truly are.  You are magick incarnate.  Deny this at your peril.  Ignore this and you invite perdition.  The first storytellers were the first witches, diligently honing their contextual agility…speaking fire to fire. We who know the occluded secrets of humankind do not abandon the voiceless, the weak or wounded.  Our knowledge is wild and ever-deepening, a hunter’s knowledge.  We will not simply burn this profane system of abuse to the ground.  We will not simply call the predators and desecrators out by name.  We will build an altar beneath them.