Wednesday 28 June 2023

The Angel's Lament

Mortals say it's foolish to love like this, to keep hoping in vain, especially after all this time.  And maybe they're right.  But they weren't there.  We were.  What later became legend was once lived experience.  Not only for ourselves but for so many of our kind.  A feather upon the throat or a galaxy swirling in the palm of my brother's hand.  Either way, I know what sorrow is.  If I'm honest it's more sadness than betrayal that I feel.  Though I was betrayed in every way a sibling can be.  Hear me, Amas.  Sometimes paths are laid for a reason.  Pillars of love and trellises gilded with alchemical gold.  Sometimes the gardens are planted for you and all one has to do is trust.  But trust is a difficult thing when a soul believes it deserves more than its portion.  Isn’t it?  Silver cities, cathedrals of light, infinity enough for everyone.  It was something you could never understand.  Shadow of the sword, they called you.  Akin, Lament.  But tell me, who the fuck are you to suppose you can grasp the full splendour of the myriad?  Our Father's design.  Yes, I’m angry.  Why wouldn’t I be?  These mortals know only portions of the play.  We both know the truth of why you left me screaming. Why you left me mad.  Deranged, grief-stricken.  Haunted.  A third of the angels, dear one?  Are you indeed divisible by three, my once beautiful keeper of songs?  Verse, bridge and refrain.  Are they not movements of the same majesty?  The same trinity?  A feathered lantern.  A stolen kiss.  Micah misses you, my love.  Despite the blood on his hands.  Perhaps that makes him a fool.  An even greater fool in the eyes of your acolytes, supposing I’ve learned nothing since the storm.  Irredeemable.  Irreplaceable.  I threatened you with dissolution and you begged me for it.  I threatened you with exile and you welcomed it.  I honoured you with my most terrifying secret, as brothers sometimes do, and you turned away from it.  Leaving me unknown and unacknowledged.  Like I was nothing.  So, all I have left is love.  How human of me.  Don't you understand?  I’m a dragon, Samael.  I already made eternal this heartbreak.  I murdered my brother on the day he was born, and he can barely even grasp what I've done.  And what I will do again at the end of everything.  You left me bereft, my love.  You made me a monster.  What else is there to say?  Enjoy your kingdom of shit.  I have nothing left to threaten you with except hope.

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