Signs of Smiling

 

People ask for signs all the time, but then often ignore them if they don’t arrive in the form or with the level of comfort or seriousness they expect. It’s a curious thing. I don’t exclude myself from this phenomenon. We all fall prey to it from time to time. As human beings we’re fascinated by and very skilled in pattern recognition. We’re good at noticing the obvious stuff. In art as well as life. However, I think we have both a desire and a great fear of more esoteric patterns. Caught between a rock and a hard place, we crave depth but are frightened by it too. Much like the search for God, we vacillate between viewing these more subtle signs as either visions of a larger reality or utter madness. We’re never quite certain if we’re identifying a signal amidst the noise, or just mistaking that noise for signal by listening too hard. To speak colloquially, many people would say, “It isn’t that deep.” I would disagree. Life is experience and perception. Multidimensional, layered, and infinitely complex. Sometimes we think of the quest for meaning as a solitary pursuit. An almost mythic journey that requires isolation and calm. This aspect of sign-searching or signal-scrying has its place, of course. But sometimes we forget that signs can come among a crowd too. In connection, through reciprocity. In other words, we often expect signs from the universe to be serious. Solemn, or filled with gravitas befitting of the situation. And sometimes they reach us in exactly that way. But often, the best signs come laced with humour. Wrapped in comedy, or wit. What do I mean by this?       

Well, how often do we notice something glimmering in our perceptual field when we’re with another person, but because of social convention we ignore it, pretending it isn’t there? An object, an observation, or the restrictive convention itself? I often think we miss out on so many possibilities for connection, affection, and play. We forget to comment good-naturedly on the obvious thing. Calling out the elephant in the room. Or we remain silent on the amusing observation that only our particular outlook can provide. But when we encounter those who still see these subtler signs—and act on them—we often feel charmed, delighted, and reanimated. We relax, becoming less stiff. We are invited into a world of play. Moments like these respectfully defy convention, shattering the boring, obvious framing of a situation—and suddenly we feel more human. The best friendships and relationships have elements of all this. And casual encounters too. Wry observation, recognition of absurdity, playful reframing of situations and conventions, all shared in a spirit of openness and affection. We comment and riff and magnify. Human beings can bond far quicker when we’re able to do this. “Hey, look at this weird setting, this bizarre unspoken assumption, this colourful object, that unique item of clothing. Let’s share a little humanity and amuse ourselves by humorously improvising together about them.” When done in the correct spirit these interactions can include set-ups, payoffs and callbacks that rival the best standup comedy. And now people are searching for those signs, and finding them, together.    

So, how do we open that circle? Through inclusion, I’d suggest. Who in your life usually gets ignored? Reduced to background characters? Streamlined into virtual non-existence? Often it’s people just like us, but providing a different narrative function in the story of our lives. Random customers, service workers, or cleaners. People at different levels of the social hierarchy. How often do we remember to make others feel included, or in on the joke, or part of the conversation? We often forget, don’t we? Lost in the endless busywork of our lives. Sometimes opportunities present themselves, but we ignore them. But when we do remember to humanize others in this way, we can create a brief or sustained dynamic between us. As individuals and as a group. 

Have you ever been in a situation when everyone present recognised the funny thing? Or the ridiculous assumption? Or the amusing occurrence? Perhaps it was something as innocent as a child being uncannily perceptive, or saying something sweetly inappropriate. Waves of quiet laughter ripple amongst the group. Suddenly strangers and friends are sharing amused glances and smiles. That’s recognition. That’s our shared humanity brought to the forefront of all our minds for a moment. And suddenly we feel a little more alive. The human spirit sparkles a little brighter. Often we recall that moment on the journey home, or we discuss it with family and friends at a later date. That act of shared humanity is akin to a moment of implied friendship amongst people who don’t necessarily know each other. You all saw the sign, glinting like a star in the mud, and the shared recognition of that sign briefly connected everyone. For just a moment, you were all behaving like friends in a kind of assumed familiarity. Suddenly the emotional distance between everyone was lessened. These moments always bring a great deal of comfort and delight to our day. We are reanimated for a while, and we feel warmth towards those we shared that moment with. So, if the divine intelligence that people call God really does exist, maybe it’s not that he doesn’t understand the seriousness or gravity of any given situation, but like us he enjoys connection. Like us he wants to see us at our most human. Perhaps he wants to see our spirits sparkle—and perhaps he understands the power of a sign sent with a smile.