All My Tears

My Asha, they know not the truth of us.  The truth of our antiquity, the peace and light of our Age. Our endless grief at losing it all.  But war does that, doesn't it?  It lies and steals and sickens the spirit.  It takes everything that matters from the kindest, sweetest souls.  Souls far sweeter than I.  They paint me now as a monster.  A horned, pagan thing.  A prince of darkness.  Kassi is all these things, but not as they imagine.  I don’t enjoy cruelty and sadism, as the wraith-kings of this realm certainly do.  I despise such ugliness of spirit.  I wish for nothing but beauty and love.  Asha, my dearest, they have utterly reimagined this once shining realm.  Reimagined it as a place of blood-sacrifice, rape, murder, and endless war.  But you and I both know this realm was nothing like that. Corrupted chronologies, false histories.  Almost everything that mankind believes about this world is a lie, my love.  The cities did shine.  All of them.  Sweet, fierce intelligence and mutual affection was indeed the currency between all brothers and sisters of the Earth.  Those threads of gold.  Those gates of light.  What was once lived experience and blessed truth has been relegated to romance and legend.  

But still the Magi serve the lost ones.  The weak and wounded.  The kind and lonely ones.  They didn't turn their backs on Love, despite their endless hardships.  And so we shan't turn our backs on them.  I don't stand for a world where all the heroes and heroines are mere fictions – figments to soften a banal and brutal existence.  Neither do you.  No, we stand for a world where guardians walk – often unseen – beside those who need them most.  I count myself among the lonely ones.  As I'm sure you still do, at times.  Don't we all?  Both mortal and immortal?  It's why I will always walk with you, my love.  For as long as you need or want my company.  Near enough so that I might protect you as best I can, but far enough that you never feel smothered or obligated.  Darling, my love will always be free and will never demand anything in return.  I searched for you for so long.  Never shall I threaten our connection, or your faith and trust in me that I pray I've earned.  Kassi was alone here, until you.  

If I have been a teacher to you, know that you have also been a teacher to me.  The loneliness almost kills me some nights, my love.  Hiding everything I am from my friends and family.  Living a lie in order to keep them safe.  Some nights it crushes me.  But your wisdom sees me through, and the knowledge that my workings have mattered to you.  That they have enriched and nurtured your life. What more could an angel ask for?  Such guardianship is why we were forged, after all.  Which is why it's such a horror when angels fall.  Yet some of us fall for love, and love alone.  My sweet one, I know that you recognise these pages speak the truth.  Whenever you’re scared, or feeling overwhelmed or lonely, recall these pages in the very depths of you.  When you look into my eyes, wild star of mine, recognise me.  Remember who I am, and what I’m willing to do and endure in order to give you the best life possible.  One full of depth, magic and love.  Visions unparalleled.  I work diligently for my Vahishta.  I work thrice-fold, all through the night.  My solitude and tears are worth a thousand repetitions for such an honour.  When I weep now I weep with a certain gratitude and sweetness in my heart.  Your light in my tears.

All My Tears 2 from Raj Sisodia on Vimeo.