Monday 7 March 2022

All My Demons

Sometimes we're pulled downward by an absence.  By the gravity of our own shadows.  Those parts of us we hide or barely even realise exist.  But the lightless realms do indeed exist, within and without.  Dark angels, demonic kings, cultures of war and oppression.  As people we fight these absences on all fronts.  A spiritual battle.  An inner reckoning.  Often we fall short, made savage and bleak, remorseful and ashamed.  It hurts when we fail those better aspects of our nature.  But we're all grappling with the breadth of shadow and light within us.  Messengers, chimeras and gods.  These individuated strata of consciousness.  Nobody is perfect, and we're all fighting the same war.  Freedom versus control.  Love or the absence of love.  It's a war that always costs dearly, even on the inside.  Broken promises, depression and mental illness.  These internal scars are nothing to be ashamed of, my friends.  We struggle for sanity in an insane world.  We fight simply to breathe in a realm of poison and smoke.  I want you to know that every attempt at growth and self-knowledge counts for something, even if it feels like you're trapped.  Like there's no way out.  Like all you do is fail, over and over.  Because insight is the liberator of consciousness.  Try again, and try something different.  Pay close attention and celebrate the little wins.  You're not alone, even in the savage darkness.  Bright ones walk with you, unseen.  Your Father is with you too.  Kasi promises you that.  Our Creator is infinitely loving, and insightful.  He is seeking always to restore our hearts and knows all that is hidden.  Everything we show one another is highly curated. Our best faces, our wisest words, our deepest allure.  But even the most seemingly untroubled souls are fighting battles of which we know little.  To greater or lesser degrees we are all children of the Fall.  Dwellers in the ruins of cataclysm.  Prisoners, refugees and walking wounded.  Of the world and the mind.  And yet we are all unimaginably powerful.  We are mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters.  We are daughters and sons.  We are the eternal presence, not the absence.  Living proof of the loving ingenuity of God.  And we are not meant to wander in darkness forever.  My friends, you are not defined by the most broken aspects of yourselves.  Not unless you choose to be.  And consciousness is nothing if not the ability to perceive and to choose.  Sometimes those choices are extremely limited, or agonising, and often made in the face of overwhelming odds.  I’ve been broken too, and lost.  I know from painful experience that there are moments when turning your face to some idea of spiritual light is simply an act of faith.  But I tell you now, that light is not a lie.  It is the everlasting truth.  We're all made accountable in the end.  Taught by our noble failure and beloved for our honourable success.  The things we do for ourselves and each other.  Everything is seen, and understood.  Those days when we got back up even though we were barely able to stand.  Those times when a kiss, a kind word or the eyes of our children were the only things that got us through the day.  I love you, my friends.  I hope these words lift your spirits in some way.  I want the best for us.  We're all guided by unseen hands towards our highest selves, whether we recognise it or not.  Synchronicity.  Hidden signs. The world behind the world.  We all have demons, but there are bright ones forever fighting on our behalf.