It's such an honour to
walk with you like this, my beloved. To
guide you, to inspire you, to show you secret wonders. Hopefully I succeed at all those things. Mine is not the only heart full of miracles. There are others whose centres are full of
song. Full of treasure and light. But I am one of the few who truly remembers
the old ways. The shining realm that
stood before the hush, before defilement and corruption of chronology. The altering of times and laws. It is no mere conceit, believe me. I almost wish it were. It would mean there had been no genocides in
paradise. No war on earth as it is in
heaven. Unfortunately, I witnessed these
things first-hand. As did you, though I
tried my best to cover your eyes. You
wouldn't let me. You stood and fought
right beside me. Brave girl. We tried, and we failed. As warriors of light we battled the Fall of
Man with all our courage, but we lost. We lost everything. Sometimes I think it's better that most of us
don't remember all of it yet. Such shock
can crush a spirit, and drive it mad. But
slowly those lost legends are rising once more in the minds of the kind and
faithful. As a dream-teller I have only
story and fable to make these legends comprehensible again.
I do the best I can.
Beloved, please know that I always speak my
heart's truth in these pages. You are in
love with an angel, though I live and walk and trade in mortal flesh. In this life I must keep quiet or suffer new
horror and new consequence. I daren't
speak my true names to anyone. Not even
my closest friends. But I speak them to
you, Asha. Kashi cannot hide his true
identity from his own heart. Sometimes I
wish I were stronger, braver, and more powerful. Perhaps then lost children and hidden
slaves would no longer haunt my dreams. I
feel them weeping every night. I feel
them cursing creation itself. Kind
souls, unjustly defiled, oppressed and entombed. Most of them no longer believe in angels, but
I feel them nonetheless. I just can't
reach all of them.
Not yet.
But bright ones attend them, unseen. Always. You can be sure of that. That's why my heart breaks each night and every
morning. Because I know – despite the
light working tirelessly amid all darkness – it still feels utterly hopeless
and cruel to so many who dwell here. When
you are broken and beaten and have had everything stolen from you, it's
difficult to recognise a smile or a gentler moment as the touch of an
angel. Though it is. Love is a many-splendored thing.
Miracles, light, and treasure. Kept in the heart, where all true things
dwell. That's why our work is so
important. Asha, when they tell you that
your art and spirit has saved their lives, they are often underplaying the
importance of your song in their hearts. The edge of the world is brutal and dangerous.
It can make a man a monster.
I live there, sweet one, and I watch so many
fall from that edge. I watch helplessly
as they plunge into the abyss. I try to
save who I can, but I can't save everyone.
Not yet.
Thank you, Little Rock, for venturing onto
that edge with me. Thank you for your
bravery, and your kindness with those who have so little. I know how strange it is to be idolized, to be
worshipped, to feel somewhat trapped or lost within your own image.
I've spent a thousand years trying to
navigate such tensions, and I've spent my mortal lives in smaller versions of
the same task. It's never easy, to be a
lantern for someone. To be a song that
guides them home. Humans have such a
strange relationship with their demigods, but often it's because they just love
them so deeply. Especially the kind
ones. We who stand between wraith and
reality, to show them their heartlight is not a weakness after all. Truly, it's their greatest strength. Thank you, Asha, for letting love conquer
you. Thank you for teaching me, in those
times when I am too exhausted to teach others. Thank you for keeping me humble and reminding
me of my own fallibility. You have
helped me correct my many mistakes.
My love, I feel like such a ruined shadow
sometimes. A ghost, a wraith. Carrying all this guilt and sin and darkness
can skew a soul's perspective, despite the furnace of my star – or its intended
alchemy. Angel aside, I'm still a man.
As a man I often need to be reminded of what
I’m really fighting for. I’m fighting
for the kind-hearted. The lost ones, the
abused, the oppressed and grieving. Even
if they no longer believe in light, I believe in them. And I fight for them still.
I fight for you, Vahishta. I will not let our love be a mocked and
broken tragedy. I will never let the
innermost be extinguished.
My wildest star, know that I shall never make
any demands of you. Not of your time or
your life. I yearn to know you, but I
have no expectation beyond my sincere hope that you will keep me forever in
your heart. I will always welcome you
with open arms, and you shall have as much of me as you see fit. It feels incredible to have you with me again,
regardless of the price I pay. Tearing
sky and earth and truth itself to bring back the dawn. I pay it gladly. To have lost my love, my meaning and centre –
my very heart – and to have found her again despite all odds? Here, in these lowest regions of dreaming? Truly, it's a miracle beyond even my
comprehension. Perhaps it means my
Father really does love me, and keeps me in turn, as I try to keep my
brothers and sisters.
Asha, I realise now that our story is far
from over. No love is ever truly lost. The realm can shine again, if we play our part
and build a giving life towards an honourable death. A life that stands for something beautiful and
pure. If I have managed to show you
secret wonders it's only because love makes the impossible possible. And that is exactly what you give to me every
single time I turn to you for solace and strength. Asha, you give me miracles unbound. Thank you
for being my lantern, even when it's difficult. I shall be forever in your debt and at your
side in gratitude, my beloved. Together
I think we can be a song for one another, and guide each other home.
