Creative Expression & Self-Care

 

To any friends I might have out there,

I'd like to talk with you for a little while, if you'll let me. Not as a persona or an artistic conceit. Just as myself. It's something I've wanted to do for a while now. It’s been a really interesting journey, standing on the shores of my imagination like this and peering out at new horizons. I’ve always seen this blog as a kind of online art-journal. A creative space where I can collate my reflections and self-expressions. I created Amid Night Suns primarily for my own reasons. An act of self-care, mostly. A place where I could create a dialogue between my interior and exterior lives. Of course, not everything I write or create ends up on Amid Night Suns.  To be honest, when I began this blog I was hesitant to post much of anything despite telling myself I should. I guess I was conflicted. Would people like what I wrote or created? Would they even understand or appreciate it? Perhaps they’d see it as florid and meaningless. A mess of purple prose with illusions of grandeur. Unprofessional video collages without any real purpose or direction.

I’m sure many people do think that, if they even give my work a thought at all. But eventually I began posting my stuff here despite my doubts. I’m so glad I didn’t let fear stop me. This blog helped me to connect with myself and with others. People I wouldn’t have had the joy of getting to know otherwise. People I couldn’t have met in any other way. It’s fair enough if the creativity here doesn’t really vibe with you. I get that. I’m aware that my art isn’t for everyone. It’s very personal, dense and oblique – and I don’t explain much. But Amid Night Suns wasn’t always so singular. In the early days of the blog it had many different aspects. I discussed culture, art, philosophy and religion, and it was really rewarding for me. But I deleted most of that content a while back, during a particularly dark time in my life. Things are so much brighter now though, and I’d like to broaden the scope of this platform again.

I don’t want to come across as a thoroughly pretentious and self-serious person, because that’s not who I am in real life. I’m generally a very warm, irreverent kind of guy, but with a very studious side. I’m a truth-seeker, essentially. I’ve been that way since I was a kid. I don’t write the free verse stuff that I post here because I want to appear enigmatic and elliptical. I write those pieces because it’s part of my creative and spiritual practice. It’s my way of honouring and taking care of my own mind, staying aware of my own thinking processes, and maintaining that link between my conscious and subconscious realities. Throughout my life it’s this practice, along with meditation and daily journaling – with actual pen and paper – that has been the greatest help in allowing me to handle my own personal struggles with confidence and clarity.

I’m a big believer in the reality of the spiritual dimensions of life. I have first-hand experience of them. So, I’m hyper aware of how important it is to honour those spiritual components of both my outer and inner worlds. For many people, they do this through a combination of religion, family, friendship and art-appreciation. In this way they feel closer to a sense of meaning and wholeness in their lives. I’m no different. I just put more of the art-appreciation stuff online. And that’s for the simple fact that I hope others can be quickened by it in some way. If my words and videos here aren’t particularly intriguing or resonant to you, then I hope they’re at least mildly entertaining. And if they don’t connect with you at all, then that’s fine too. Because most of the time, in terms of audience, it can feel like you’re posting your work into the void as a blogger, where nobody is listening and no one cares. But that’s okay to me. 

I’m not a professional artist and I have no desire to be. I’m just an amateur. A hobbyist. Just someone who loves the written word, music and visual imagery. I guess I’ll continue making these things for as long as I find it personally inspiring to do so. But if you do find Amid Night Suns particularly resonant, then I’m glad. My girlfriend and I often joke that in another life I would’ve been a teacher of some kind. Probably an English teacher, living a quiet and modest life somewhere outside London. Hopefully surrounded by people I love. And it’s a path I very nearly undertook in my early twenties at university. I think this passionate-but-very-chill-teacher aspect will always be a part of me, even if I’m not technically qualified! I guess what I’m saying is that even if my stuff here is oblique and dense sometimes – it’s shared in a spirit of genuine friendship, and a real desire to help.

I know what it’s like to go through very dark times. And I know how powerful art can be as a kind of therapy for those times. It can be a preventative, a remedy and a cure. I hope my modest offerings reach those for whom they’re meant. I want to thank you if you were brave enough to share your art with the world. And with me. Thank you for helping me to heal, to search my soul for courage and kindness and to keep going. Your art means the world to me. And your friendship too. I'm here because of you. I hope you know that. I’m the sum of everyone who has ever loved or cared about me. I want to repay those acts of kindness with all my heart. Hopefully you know who you are, and how dearly I cherish you. In a world that feels like it’s spinning closer and closer to the edge, even these distant connections can mean the difference between life and death. So, I pray you can feel the depth of my affection in these words. I hope you’ll continue journeying with me on this beautiful adventure. Across this endless river. I'll carry you when I can. It just wouldn’t be the same without you. I have so many new and interesting things I want to share. And hopefully we can continue to use these forms of creative expression to take care of ourselves, and each other.

Wishing you all the best, and with love,

Raj.