Father of the Man

 

Intention is crucial in this life, even as we strive for adaptability. Many of us might crave the poise and balance of a dancer, moving with flow as changing circumstances require, but it’s also important to have purpose. To be mindful. We don’t need to have the bigger picture figured out, of course. Perhaps we only grasp the next few steps. The next few days, or even just the next few minutes. And that’s ok. It always hurts when we break, when we veer off track and our demons briefly get the better of us. But it’s important to catch ourselves as quickly as possible and not get sucked into self-punishment or shame-spirals. I’ve been there, of course. Most of us have, even if we don’t admit it. But it’s a waste of time and energy, being so harsh with ourselves.  In contrast, being kind about our own mistakes or lapses in judgment isn’t always easy, but it’s definitely worth the effort.

That’s what I’ve come to realise over the years. Giving ourselves grace during difficult times doesn’t have to be about making excuses. It can simply be a matter of contextual awareness and perspective. Self-knowledge is about many things, after all. Insight, sobriety, and a genuine willingness to understand where we went wrong. Our limitations, insecurities, and blind-spots. With that willingness comes the opportunity for actual growth in so many areas of our lives. For me, consistency in this process of self-discovery has been key. Exercise, meditation, journalling, and creativity of all kinds. The artist in me feels most content when I can keep that mind-body-spirit connection as vibrant as possible, even during my darkest or loneliest moments.

We sit so often with our demons and insecurities that we can quickly forget just how tenacious we are, or we gloss over it because our failures seem so glaring in comparison. We’re often our harshest critics. But we’re still here, aren’t we? Whatever state we find ourselves in, we’ve all made it this far. And positive change is always possible, however we choose to define it. For some, it’s climbing a mountain. For others it’s simply getting out of bed one more time. It can also be about deciding to no longer accept the bare minimum in matters of the heart. To start choosing healthy, mutually supportive relationships. Or learning to be alone again, at least until our insight has deepened. Our metrics for success might differ, but a win is still a win. What I’ve come to realise in my own journey is that I owe my vastly improved quality of life to that broken but tenacious version of me from before. He did the difficult first half, with just hope and commitment. He got up every single time he was knocked down. He didn’t have the energy, resources, or hindsight that I have now – and yet he never quit. He just kept going, kept learning, and tried not to punish himself too harshly when he didn’t meet his own expectations. His willingness to understand and grow was genuine. What I’m trying to say is I now have true momentum, confidence and swagger in various areas of my life only because that stumbling, inexperienced version of me kept showing up in the first place. Even when it was excruciating. I owe him, big time.

There’s a line from a poem by William Wordsworth called ‘My Heart Leaps Up,’ written in 1802, that has always stayed with me. The line reads: The Child is father of the Man. And progress is exactly like that. The past versions of ourselves who were brave enough to keep going, consistently learning and evolving – they’re the ones who birth the men or women we eventually become. We are profoundly shaped by our past experiences, both bright and dark. Also, pain is often a great teacher. Much as we might wish otherwise. So, knowing these things, it really is imperative to be gentle with ourselves. Most of us are striving even when we think we’re failing miserably. If we feel like we’re lost in unfathomable darkness, then it's all the more important to be reminded of the truth. That our future selves are built from every incremental win and insight. So, stay strong, dear ones. And remember, you don’t have to do all of this alone. Because if we’re genuinely willing to grow and move forward, then we shouldn’t be ashamed to also ask for a little help from the people closest to us. Our family and friends. Just reach out. The real ones will offer their assistance in some way. Begin each task with a spirit of genuine curiosity. You don’t need to know the entire path. Just move forward with grace and intention. And when you fall, pick yourself up, adjust as necessary, and keep going with a sense of grateful adventure. It won’t always be easy, or painless, but I promise it will eventually reap great rewards. Your future self will thank you; that’s for sure.

Happy New Year, my friends.

Wishing you all the best, and with love,

Raj.